Whole Earth Catalogue Of Disasters

God bless us, it's Tesco redefining the meaning of Whole Foods, originally uploaded by Colonel Blink.

Seen on a display of Easter Eggs in Tesco's, Blue Boar Lane, Sprowston, Norfolk. This sign has been in place for about a week now. On the Tesco website it says here that "Tesco Wholefoods are a range of natural, unprocessed products that have a beneficial effect on people's health" and also that "besides being delicious, these foods are rich in minerals, nutrients and vitamins." Of their own web-pages Tesco says here "You'll find all the information and advice you need for a healthy diet, right here. Discover more about what's in your food, how to keep children healthy................"

Having seen the sign and read the web-page I have stopped giving vegetables to my family and am feeding them only chocolate Easter Eggs. If this diet has any unforseen ill effects, will Tesco be liable?

I note that another supermarket chain, ASDA, are offering all their Easter Eggs at £1 each and I was sorely tempted until I realised that theirs are not healthy ones.

Henry's Made A Lady Out Of Lizzie

1935 Ford Model Y - Henry's Made A Lady Out Of Lizzie, originally uploaded by Colonel Blink.

Have you seen her, Ain't she great?
She's something you'll appreciate,
I'm sure you understand just what I mean,
Ev'ry body, Every where, is falling for her now,
I'm talking bout the new Ford and boy it's sure a wow!
When you see her, You'll agree,
She's just the one for you and me,
She's everything that any one could ask,
"Sittin' pretty yes I am, With her I'm always found
You "oughtta" see her Chassis, it's sure the best around.

Talk of this and talk of that,
Boys you must take off your hat,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
Has she plenty, has she much?
Got the "tin" you love to touch,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
They used to park her in a lot,
For that they charged two bits,
But now they charge you nothing,
And you park her at the Ritz.
She once had rattles in her wheel,
But now she's full of "sex appeal"
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!

She's like all the other vamps,
Pretty shape and lovely lamps,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
Since she's taken on some weight,
Honest, folks, she's looking great,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
Her dashboard has a clock,
That's a hit with all the Scotch,
A Scotchman saw the clock,
And promptly stopped his watch.
You've all heard the Frenchman song,
Fifty million cant be wrong,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!

Just a girl who knows her stuff,
Plenty fast but never rough,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
Always tidy, always clean,
Faithful as an old Marine,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
She's not the kind who tries to get
Your money all at once,
She only wants ten dollars down,
The rest in fourteen months,
Good for sister, nice for ma,
Ev'rybody rides but Pa,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!

Ev'ry groom and blushing bride,
Now enjoy their buggy ride,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
No one curses, no one swears,
Lizzie never needs repairs,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
She used to kick and jump around,
On ev'ry trolley track,
But now she's very ladylike,
And never answers back.
She will surely catch your eye,
You know salesmen never lie,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!

No more chug chug chug chug-bang!
No more cuss words, no more slang,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
Not the noisy flapper kind,
Simply quiet and refined,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
They used to say "We own a car,
It looks like one I mean"
But now they say, "I'll have you know,
We own a Ford machine"
No more playing Jack and Jill,
No more tumbling down the hill,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!

When she's coming down the street,
All the boys say "Ain't she sweet"?
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
Every man will go for her,
She's the kind that men prefer,
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!
Why even Thomas Edison,
The wizard that he is,
Could not resist her charms,
And was the first to take out "Liz"
He said "She's Okay to me,
All she needs is company"
HENRY'S MADE A LADY OUT OF LIZZIE!

Henry's Made A Lady Out of Lizzie by Walter O'Keefe
Although the song was about the earlier Model T

Getting Permission

Lizzie poses as Goya's Maja Dressed, originally uploaded by Colonel Blink.

You have to be careful with Lizzie; sometimes she is as docile as a kitten at others it takes three policemen to hold her down. The trick is to let her talk to you and gauge how she is.
"Can you spare some change Sir?"
"Sure"
"How are you doing? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine and how are you"
"I'm OK - I'm a bit tired thats all. I get a bit tired"
So far so good. On past experience I will either get screamed at and leave with an earful of profanities or smiled upon. I gabble "Can I take your photograph?" I pull my camera round to show it to her.
"Of course dear, let me get straight." Up till now she had been fully lying down. She pulls herself up and tries to arrange her clothes, her blanket, her hair. I have time to take one photograph before the smile starts to disappear and her body language says she is bored now. I thank her and leave. She lies down again.

Lizzie is in her early forties.

Who's Minding The Garden?

Waterloo Park - The Electronic Parky, originally uploaded by Colonel Blink.

In that peculiar mythology created by the D. C. Thomson comics the park keeper or parky is at eternal war with children. Dennis The Menace or Roger The Dodger or Beryl The Peril are continually thwarted in their desire to walk on the grass, play football or climb trees by a uniformed spoilsport, often sporting a Hitler style moustache, with a scowl on his face and the strange angry noise GRRRR coming out of his mouth.

What are today's children to make of his replacement? Does the new Winker Watson instead of attacking his human counterpart with a peashooter try and infect this electronic parky with a computer virus or attack it with a DOS?

Or are modern children too busy staying indoors,shielded by their parent's fear of letting them outside, playing computer games and watching television? Do the latest D. C. Thomson comics feature Robot Parkys chasing robot Dennis the Menaces for the entertainment of children who do not go out of their front door.

Virgin on the ridiculous

Another load of hyperbolics from Richard Beardy, originally uploaded by Colonel Blink.

This leaflet dropped through my letterbox today. I thought at first one of the street walkers who troll up and down outside at night had gone upmarket and produced an illustrated brochure and tariff but no it was the third leaflet in a week from Virgin Media trying to sell me their cable services.

My response was to take Mr Branson at his word and see if indeed Rosary Road had become more sexy. Using the wonders of digital photography and the criteria that Mr Justice Caulfield used to sum up in the 1987 Jeffrey Archer trial "Has she elegance? Has she fragrance?" I can report that there is no discernable evidence to support the claim that Rosary Road is any sexier.

However you may disagree and so I offer you, dear reader, the opportunity to compare the glimpse of the road above and the one in this picture on our special phoneline. Comments will be charged at the premium rate of 50 pence per second. Please get the permission of whoever pays the bills

Pat Woods Of Capricorn Cameras hides his face

Pat Woods Of Capricorn Cameras hides his face, originally uploaded by Colonel Blink.

Pat Woods the camera shy owner of Capricorn Cameras, Lower Goat Lane, Norwich
Telephone (01603)623464
Taken as part of my photo safari finding local camera dealers in their natural habitat.
Some of the other local independent camera dealers can be found here.

If you don't use the independents they will perish.

Next I am after the full, part-time and occassional classic photographic dealers without shops including John Benjafield, Adrian Richmond and Colin Wragg. One of the people I mentioned rang me up last night and asked me to remove his name because of the attentions of the revenue men. There are in Norfolk several people who make a significant proportion of their income from dealing in photographica. John Benjafield deals internationally in pre rollfilm photographic images as well as having a booth in Petticoat lane. Adrian Richmond is a past president of the Photographic Collectors Club of Great Britain, a published author on the history of British Ensign Cameras and a frequent visitor to Japan on camera selling trips. Colin Wagg can be found at various fairs in the county.

There are a lot more. Some of whom will be found at the Norfolk Camera Fair. Dereham Town Football Club, Aldiss Park, Norwich Road, Dereham NR20 3PX. on Sunday 25th March. 9.00am - 4.00pm. (Earlybirds £5.00 9.00 to 10.00am. £3.00 entry from 10am) Enquiries (01362) 697124)

The New Wireless Revolution

Free Wireless Internet Connectivity comes to Norwich, originally uploaded by Colonel Blink.

On a lamp post coming to near you. Free wireless internet connectivity courtesy of Norwich City Council; shown is a receiver/transmitter attached to a lamp post. It will soon be Citywide. The downside is that it is quite slow (256) and they cut you off after an hour though you can immediately reconnect.

The future is here. The future is now. The future is Catton, Bracondale, Thorpe Hamlet, Heartsease, Lakenham, Mile Cross etc..

Not to be connected has become disadvantageous; it is one of the defining markers of a new underclass who are blocked from cheap flights, cheap holidays and even the chance to get cheaper gas and electricity. I understand that the government want to extend this kind of connectivity across the whole country. The only model we have for this kind of works in the UK is the national electricity grid or perhaps the mass conversion of the gas network from town gas to natural gas.These were both achieved using nationalised companies. It will be interesting to see how effective using private companies will be with their headquarters in foreign countries and answerable first to their shareholders.